Ooooh... I must have this...

When Steve and I renew our wedding vows (HAHAHAHA...ahem) or if I ever need a formal dress... this is the one I am wearing:

Nothing says "A Touch of Class" like this Japanese-cartoon-meets-Gone-With-The-Wind inspired number. Do not adjust your screen... it IS that "special." This is not computer generated... someone actually MADE this dress! You know that means someone actually WORE this dress. In public!

I can see it now...

"Godzilla!!! Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!"

And this!! What. The. HELL is this about?? Mary Poppins meets The Birds? And they actually got someone to model this ensemble. I am afraid.

This literally looks like this poor woman dove under a table cloth as the birds were attacking her hair.

I give full credit to www.UglyDress.com If you want to see more of the nightmares at hand, check it out. Hours of hilarity are sure to ensue.

Going out of Business

Hey everyone!

Some of you may know that I have been a Mary Kay Consultant for the past three years, and have decided to go out of business this year. I just don't have the time or energy to devote to it. So, with that being said, I am looking to sell off my remaining inventory. If you are interested in seeing what I have left in stock, send me a comment or email and I will forward you the list. I am only selling what I currently have and will not be ordering any more.

I will only charge you what I paid for it (50% discount on the retail cost + 8.25% tax), so it is a great deal for the holidays!! MK makes a great gift basket!! I just want to get it out of my house! :-)

Let me know if you have any questions.

Parade of Imbeciles

Today has been utterly ridiculous. Yesterday the battery light was coming on in my Lincoln sporadically, so I made it a point to go to the local auto parts store right after work today to get the battery tested. The guy said the battery was still good, but the alternater needed to be replaced. He said that I could make it to the mechanic tomorrow. Instead of the normal routine of trying desperately to get hold of the guy who never calls me back, I decided that I would ask Javier (my sister's fiance) if he could install a new one for me. He said sure, but could I go ahead and get the part tonight so he could install it after work tomorrow.

So, I have to drive to a different auto parts store to get it, but on the way I notice that my hood is rattling and threatening to fly open. The guy warned me about idling with the bad alternater, so I pulled into a gas station to close the hood, shut off my car, and the stupid thing was dead as a doornail. Ugh. Called Steve, and he didn't know where his jumper cables were. Called mom. She was on her way to jump me. Steve went on ahead and bought the part before the store closed. Mom got there and jumped my car, so we let it charge for a few minutes until Steve got back. Then he went home and mom followed me to Javier's. Or, at least she followed me 4 miles down the road where my electrical system completely shut down and I was coasting through a busy intersection and about 1/2 mile down the road before pulling to a dead stop on the side of the road. Now, you would think that people on a 4 lane highway (2 on each side with a turn lane in the middle) would have plenty of time to see two cars in the pitch black night with the hazard lights on. Apparently not, as we were front row viewers to the parade of imbeciles flying by at warp speed within inches of my disabled vehicle. Steve joined us on the side of the road so we wouldn't have to be there alone waiting for the tow truck. (We actually called two trucks just to see who would get there first... my guy won by at least 45 minutes)

We sat there for about an hour before the tow truck driver pulled up. You would have to see it to believe it, but even with the tow truck blocking half the lane, people were still wizzing by at the speed of light within inches. How can people that stupid function in life?? I really don't get it.

Anyway, thankfully, Javier was able to replace my alternater and lend me his spare battery until mine can be recharged or replaced. Betty Lou lives to drive another day.

Happy Mashed Potato Day!!

Well, Thanksgiving is upon us once again. I will make my proclaimation loud and proud - I HATE TURKEY!!! I don't know where my hatred of turkey comes from, but I hate everything about it. I am not a fan of most of the "traditional" Thanksgiving foods. I have always sworn that when it is MY turn to take over Thanksgiving we would be having Chicken Fried Steak. You laugh... but it's finally my turn ;-)

After 10 straight years with Dad's family, this year we decided to spend Thanksgiving with Mom. My sister has to work until 3 pm, so we will be having dinner at her house. It should be interesting. What was supposed to be a fun, relaxing day for 5 people has turned into a Thanksgiving circus for 15, with TURKEY! Blah!!! I don't care. I am still making Chicken Fried Steak and those who don't like it can suck it.

I have many things to be thakful for this year. Steve has been doing very well at his new real estate gig, which has helped us out a lot. We continue to be blessed with The Pico (see our pup in my blog below). He is 8 1/2 years old, but still in decent health, despite being a chubby little puppy. I was blessed with a beautiful niece this year, and her mommy is in much better health than we anticipated after her brain tumor scare. I feel so lucky to have them in my life - happy and healthy. My own health is doing much better now than earlier in the year, so I am truly thankful to NOT be in the hospital (again). Unfortunately, my brother Chris couldn't make it down for Thanksgiving, but we are looking forward to spending time with him at Christmas. I am also truly thankful that both parents are in relative good health, and that I still have my grandmother. We lost Pawpaw in September, but I am thankful that the suffering he faced for a long time was finally over.

So, I proudly say to you ~ Happy Mashed Potato Day!

There is justice in the world after all

A few months ago (September 2007) I wrote a blog about my unfortunate molestation by a Wal-Mart photo employee while getting my niece's pictures made. It was creepy, and uncomfortable, and still makes me cringe at the very thought of it. To top it all off, the little snot was then rude to me! When I picked up the pictures a few weeks later, I recounted my story to the store manager, and even the regional manager. They were both completely creeped out and confided that this was not the first time it had happened, and they would take care of it.

Steve just called me asking what the guy's name was, and I told him that I didn't know (and never knew). Apparently he was in there getting some passport photos taken and brought up what happened to me. They told him that there was actually a lawsuit pending against the guy, and they would like to get my statement in writing.

Hopefully, justice will be served against this nasty little man and he will have to answer for what he did.

Procrastination to the Point of Comatose

I will be the first to admit that I am a MAJOR procrastinator. I don't know why, but I just can't seem to motivate myself to take that next step. In the last two years, I have hit a creative-genius spurt and have come up with several great ideas for businesses and books, but for some reason can't find the drive to put those great ideas into action. I have to ask myself ~ Am I afraid to fail, or am I afraid to succeed.

For the past few years, I have found myself completely resentful of Steve's lack of working situation, and have done little to go out of my way to try anything new. I think part of me says, "Why should I when I am the one who already has the full-time gig?" I know that is not the most mature sentiment, especially when I really think these are great ideas. I know that I should go for them. Why is getting off the couch so damn hard??

I know that with success comes a sense of accomplishment and a drive to do even more. I think my own passive aggressive tendencies have gotten in the way of what I want for the past few years. I despise having to be "the responsible one" all the time, but I guess that is honestly who I am.

Setting my own goals and dreams aside to spite someone else is so lame. I just need to take the plunge.

Monkeys on a rampage??

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20071117/wl_asia_afp/indiawildlifeanimalmonkeysoffbeat

Ok, I know this is a serious news story to someone, but this is possibly the dumbest thing I have ever read. Monkeys stealing cell phones and drinking soda from the fridge. What has the world come to?? It really must be a slow news week.

I will have nightmares for a week thinking about these guys stealing all my soda.

Death by nickels and dimes

Ok, it's time for me to vent a little. I am ALL for donating to charity, and giving to those less fortunate. I believe strongly in things like Breast Cancer research, The American Heart Association, and the March of Dimes, and give freely each year. But, this constant barage by employers to have you "participate" in a fundraising campaign for a cause is getting out of hand. I personally like to choose my charity of choice (namely the ones I listed above), and sometimes it works out that my company chooses one of those. That was the case this year, as we are raising funds for The American Heart Association. I lost my grandfather after years of complications due to multiple strokes, and my grandmother is now sporting a shiny pacemaker. This cause is close to my heart (pun intended).

I personally raised $350 towards my heart walk last weekend, and through various activities have personally donated around $150 through cash, t-shirts, raffle basket donations (Mary Kay products), etc, and am feeling 100% tapped out. It never seems to be enough for these sharks. I have been harassed eight ways to Sunday to give more and more. I have already donated 1/4 of my annual raise (1 whole percent! Can you hear the affection in my voice??) from last year, and I just can't keep going. We have 4 more days of this crap next week and I am just about ready to scream.

I don't like forced donations. They feel like extortion. Last year they literally baricaded the exits and would not let people go home until they donated. Then they publically humiliated those who didn't have any money, or those they felt didn't give enough. Enough already!!

Sorry, but I am just being nickeled and dimed to death, and as a mostly single-income family, I just can't afford it.

The Sweet Pea... of Doom

Historically, Halloween is supposed to be about dressing up in scary costumes to ward off the evil spirits. In the past few years, we have gotten away from this and gone completely commercial in our costuming ideas. There really isn't anything scary about Sponge Bob or a Care Bear. I was talking with a friend about this topic the other day and he said, "Well, everything sounds scarier if you add 'Of Doom' to the end of it. 'Look, there's a squirrel...of doom'." So, for your Halloween pleasure, I present "Madison: The Sweet Pea... of Doom":

Admit it... you are scared. We also have "Madison: The Half-naked-bumble-bee...of doom" for your enjoyment:

And finally, "Madison: The Itsy-Bitsy-Spider...of doom":

Maddy spent her first Halloween helping Mommy and Aunt Liz pass out candy to the trick-or-treaters. She was super cute.

A Blast from the Past

Someone sent me this email this morning and I about wet my pants. I had to post it. I would give props to the author, but no name was listed. Sorry Mr. Annonymous Guy. ~Liz

Last weekend I put an exhaust fan in the ceiling for my wife's grandfather. While my wife's brother and I were fitting the fan in between the joists, we found something under the insulation. What we found was this:
A JC Penney catalog from 1977. It's not often blog fodder just falls in my lap, but holy hell this was two solid inches of it, right there for the taking. I thumbed through it quickly and found my next dining room set, which is apparently made by adding upholstery to old barrels:
Also, I am totally getting this for my bathroom:
There's plenty more home furnishings where those came from, however I'm not going to bore you with that. Instead, I'm going to bore you with something else. The clothes. The clothes are fantastic . Just look at that belt. It's like a boob-job for your pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place. The belt loops have to be three inches long. And way to pull them up to your armpits, grandpa.
This kid looks like he's pretending to be David Soul, who is pretending to be a cop who is pretending to be a pimp that everyone knows is really an undercover cop. Who is pretending to be 15.

This "all purpose jumpsuit" is, according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply relaxing around the house. Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you happen to be relaxing around your cell in D-block . Even then, the only reason you should put this thing on is because the warden made you, and as a one-piece, it's slightly more effective as a deterrent against a** -rapery.
If you look at that picture quickly, it looks like Mr. Bob "No-pants" Saget has his hand in the other guy's pocket. In this case, he doesn't, although you can tell just by looking at them that it's happened - or if it hasn't happened it will. Oh yes. It will. As soon as he puts down his matching coffee cup. (I want to know why he is wearing a dress - Liz)
He looks like he's reaching for a gun, but you know it's probably just a bottle of suntan lotion in a holster.
If you wear this suit and don't sell used cars for a living, I believe you can be fined and face serious repercussions, up to and including termination. Or imprisonment, in which case you'd be forced to wear that orange jumpsuit.
Dear god in heaven, I don't believe that color exists in nature. There is NO excuse for wearing either of these ensembles unless you're working as a body guard for the Lucky Charms leprechaun. In this next one, Your Search For VALUE Ends at Penneys.
As does your search for chest hair. And this -- Seriously. No words. Oh wait, it turns out that there are words after all. Those words are What. The. F***. I'm guessing the snap front gives you quick access to the chest hair. The little tie must be the pull tab. Also, judging by the sheer amount of matching his/hers outfits, I'm guessing that in 1977 it was considered pretty stylish for couples to dress alike. These couples look happy, don't they?
I am especially fond of this one, which I have entitled "Cowboy Chachi Loves You Best."
And nothing showcases your everlasting love more than the commitment of matching bathing suits. That, and a blonde girl with a look on her face that says "I love the way your junk fights against that fabric."

Then, after the lovin', you can relax in your one-piece matching terry cloth jumpsuits:

I could go on, but I'm tired, and my eyes hurt from this trip back in time. I think it's the colors. That said, I will leave you with these tasteful little numbers: